yesterday on my stories i opened up about my “what if” syndrome (at least that’s my SB technical term for it). i get really nervous telling y’all my weird inner workings but turns out i’m not alone. i have a hard time living in the present and being grateful for what i have. change makes me anxious - even if it’s good change. i get this overwhelming feeling of sadness that can be hard to dig myself out of. i feel like nothing and no one will be good enough. i feel as if “what is the point of doing anything” and just want to drive away. sometimes i feel like things should just happen for me - only child syndrome (?!?!) - and hold others around me to higher expectations. i also get feelings of did i make the right choice or am i on the right path? should i have tried doing something else in life? where would i be now if i had known i loved teaching fitness four years ago? i’m not kidding when i say i’ve always felt a greater purpose for what i have to offer and maybe i do and maybe i don’t. maybe it’s cheesy to say that? maybe social media makes me feel like i have to be famous to be successful? but sometimes i really feel like i may be one day 😂 but when i get this feeling of being trapped in my “what if” moments, i tend to get really closed off towards my closet loved ones (i.e. kevin) and shut them down and out for a few days (like living in silence). i refuse to talk and tell him why i’m mad - almost like i enjoy causing arguments?? i can be such a nut sometimes. i really am so grateful i have this time in life to explore my passions and live in a beautiful first home. SOMETIMES I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS. but gosh i just hope everyone finds a partner, friend, someone who loves them for everything they are because Kevin truly is so patient with me and easily forgives me when i’ve been a cranky a**hole. no one is perfect or always has perfect thoughts. i think as a human, we all wonder what our purpose is. .
#selfhelp #fitness #realtalk #humpday #foodforthought #healthy #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #healthcoach #therapy #meditation #fit