Here are the 12 stages of what happens to us when we are betrayed. May it be helpful if you've been betrayed--and may it help you treat those around you better.
When we've been betrayed, we.... 1. Deny the truth. Denial often plays out in either avoidance behavior or addicted behavior. We may abuse drugs or alcohol, overeat, or gamble--or avoid the situation altogether and write the other person out of our lives. These are just a few ways one feels when one is denying betrayal even happened.
2. Experience loss. Betrayal is among the most devastating losses a person can experience. We live in a culture that is blind to betrayal and intolerant of emotional pain. Loss happens in many experiences and circumstances, and it can affect us deeply. The one who has been betrayed is grieving.
3. Hurt like hell. Whether the aftermath is expressed through apologies or being ignored, betrayal hurts like hell. We can heal, but it will have to be in our own time and on our own terms.
4. Brew our anger. Anger is never a good emotion, but sometimes it's necessary to understand the root cause of something. The irony of betrayal is that when you are betrayed, you sometimes you end up betraying yourself. Anger may feel like showing strength, but in reality it shows how much you still care.
5. Lose our illusions. Most of us lead lives thinking this is the way things should be, so when things don't go that way, we lose our bearings--even if they were illusory all along. It's a loss that can be especially debilitating.
6. Forgive but not forget. William Blake said it is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. When you care about someone, you can't turn that off because you learn they have betrayed you. It makes for a difficult internal conflict.
Continued in comments @nicholebaker5